“You’re only 45? You’re just a baby.”

Ok, madame. Yes, I’m not 65. So I’m young from that perspective. But this is the first time I’ve been here. Some would say 45 is old for being young, and 50 is young for being old. I guess I’m at that cusp now.

Fifty will probably hit me differently. But not in a bad way. It just signifies the passage of time, and, I can’t believe it’s gone so quickly. And, yes, I know time will pass even quicker the older I get. Nonetheless, seeing time’s speed change is still remarkable.

I mean, I remember the 80’s vividly. I remember the very day I moved to Dallas in 1982. I remember seeing Red Dawn with my dad and my brother in 1984, and first discovering Junior Mints. I could tell you every class for every year of junior high and high school, from ’88 to ’94. And then there’s the fact that I started college over 27 years ago.

Again, I know everyone can express how quickly time’s passed for them. And I enjoy listening to those representations. I do. But I’m not taking your attention to do this right now. My points are other things…

First, when you’re young, you feel like you have all the time in the world. You have nothing but time. However, I don’t feel that way any more. I feel time’s running out. I feel my days are numbered – and they are. Of course, I could live another 45 years, or I could die tomorrow. But I am going to die, just like you.

I’m not getting any younger. And this realization has served as a motivation to quit making excuses for so many things. Like Andy Dufrane said,”Get busy living or get busy dying.” I’m still one hell of an excuse maker, but, because I know my time is limited, this past year has really got me wondering about whatever legacy I’ll leave to the world when I die. We all leave some imprint. But will mine be?

I have no idea. I can’t answer that. But I know that because time is running out, and because I will leave some legacy, however small and insignificant, there’s all the more reason to love more, and forgive more, and be braver. There’s all the more reason to work harder, and ultimately not give a damn about what others think. You’re only accountable to God. Thus, the more you let go of what others think, the happier you’ll be, because your actions will more reflect your unique will, and not that of others. Thus, whatever legacy I create through my words and actions I hope reflects this wisdom.

At the same time, in spite of these new motivations coming into my life at 45, which I am grateful for, there is another side to my future dreams that causes me to believe I need to let go of a lot of them. The simple fact of the matter is that I’ve lost a lot of hope this past year for the type of better future I’ve imagined for so long. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m a bad person. But, for decades I’ve seen this cowardice in the eyes of so many adults who can’t let go of the fact that they’re being lied to by media and government. They’ve behaved like little, baby children who stick their fingers in their ears and go “la, la, la” by turning up the television and mocking alternate explanations of reality. This Great Reset of society, piggybacked on media-generated hysteria of a virus, is only exacerbating this cowardice, and sending this country further down on a path to hell.

A darkness, like no one has ever seen before, is overtaking this land. The United States of America is being destroyed by design. This has been planned for decades, and quite arguably for centuries. But let’s just take the tip of the tip of the iceberg of past and present examples of treachery with Joe Brandon’s vaxx mandate – and I’m not even touching upon the constituionality or morality of it. There are going to be hundreds of thousands, maybe millions, quitting their jobs because they don’t want that unknown substance, which is setting the internet ablaze with mass reportings of adverse reactions, inside their bodies. I don’t want it. And I’m not going to comply either.

And if there are mass firings, and mass quittings, what do you think this will do to an already damaged supply chain? What do you think this is going to do to our economy and way of life? You don’t have to be a genius to connect the dots. But President Brandon, and his entourage, seem to be doubling down, and holding fast to the vaxx mandate, and willing to let this country burn. They don’t seem to care what the true results will be. And I’m supposed to think that ideological zeal, or love for humanity, is unintentionally setting up this potential calamity? I’m supposed to think this is merely coincidental? Bullcrap. This is all part of a plan. You gotta destroy something to build it back “better”.

Thus, again, for the past year I’ve found myself letting go of more and more dreams I’ve had for so long. But I’m ok with letting go. I don’t feel like I have a choice. I am getting myself mentally prepared for a dark future. And you know what? In the bigger scheme of humanity, there’ve been billions of people across time that have also had to prepare for darker times as famines or plagues or armies march across their lands and cause suffering we Americans in the 21st century have never experienced ourselves. It would only be naivete that would cause me to think the modern world could never relapse into older, darker times. Of course it can.

Thus, yet again, I’m supposed to let go of so much, and I’m ok with this. And I thank my faith in Jesus Christ for this. The promise of salvation beyond death of my physical body is a source of great comfort. Whatever pain from unrealized dreams of love, marriage, children and money will all be made right, somehow, some day. Perhaps the next life will make this so. So be it.

Yet, regardless of what the bastards are doing, I’m still very grateful to be alive at 45. I’ve lived a lot. I’ve seen a lot. God has blessed me. In spite of the loss of many expectations, there is still much hope inside me. Trusting God can move mountains. And, at the very least, something I always need to remember is that it could have been that I never existed in the first place. I could have never seen the stars or known joy. But I have. I do exist. The fact that I have a mind to experience God’s Creation is a miracle so mind-blowing that it defies explanation. The gratitude for knowing this helps me let go of what I’ve formerly determined I must have for a “good” life.

You can say this is a dark, defeatist attitude. But I say it’s the opposite. After all, who but God really determines what a good life is? None of the gurus and mentors can answer that. So screw ’em. No one knows the worlds’ rules any more anyways.

But God’s rules are eternal. And I’m glad I know that. And I’m glad I know Jesus Christ. And I understand his words, “He that loveth his life shall lose it, and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.”

Are you going to sell your soul for normalcy? Would you take the Mark of the Beast? These questions are coming to you sooner than your realize. If that seems silly to you, well, I encourage you to know Jesus Christ too.

You’re gonna’ need him sooner than your realize. Mark my words.