I appreciate you. I do.

Of course when you start something like a blog, as I have before, you hope for many things. You hope to enter constantly into that creative state where each word is a pleasure to select. You hope to make a difference to others. You hope to make a difference to yourself.

How much of a difference to anyone else or myself is impossible to say.

I will say, though, blogging can be headache. I mean, I do like to write, but, I also feel this obligation to write when I don’t want to, like working, or working out. But I do it because there is still hope that from these efforts there can be the manifestation of a dream, and that dream is that somehow, someway, I can monetize my blogging efforts.

Though I believe I have the capacity to do this, I haven’t had the wherewithal to research precisely how to do this. There’s so much information out there that I don’t know where to begin. I wish I had a coach.

And one thing that holds me backs is that I’ve not found a niche, a topic of expertise. I’d like to. But how the hell do you do that? Seriously, I probably write about too many things, and I fear that if I focus on one, I’ll get bored with it, or…

Of course travel blogs laced with photos seem to be what motivates me most. And I could be a whole lot better at it – I could. My problem with this niche is time. I rush from here to there. I go to coffee shops a lot, but that’s not as feasible as I need it to be. I’m getting better about typing in my chair in the forest, but then the rain falls or some other dang thing. And, it’s virtually impossible to spend hours developing photos on my Kelty chair with all the wires, external hard drives, cameras, maps, etc.

A jacked-up 4×4 traveling van I could sleep and WORK in would solve a lot of these problems. No joke. However, such a significant expenditure would cost me a lot of time and money, and I’m not sure I’m ready to pull the trigger on something that would, at this point, only be for recreation. And…

Ach… I don’t want to get confused right now.

But, truly, a van (or Tundra with a pop-up camper shell) I could comfortably sleep and work in would be something else. I’d slow down. I’d have slept on top of the Aquarius Plateau, maybe for days, and captured Utah colors at sunset thousands of feet below. I’d have spent the afternoon waiting for that sunset in my vehicle typing and developing and reading. I’d wouldn’t have rushed, and would have enjoyed my time more.

Perhaps travel blogging really should be the niche I strive for. Of course, in addition to a van, because I’d not be working, I’d have to burn through savings, and, again, for a blog? Risk countless thousands of dollars to monetize a blog?

Maybe. After all, I’ve sacrificed virtually every semblance of a normal life for something like this, and maybe I shouldn’t be a damn wuss. Maybe I should just pull the trigger.

And, before you say I’m lamenting a position in life I should be grateful for, get two things straight: I’m not lamenting AND I am grateful to be doing this.

I have a right to think out loud to people, don’t I?

God knows I’m grateful to be alive. I have faith I’ll get where I’m supposed to be. And, I’m grateful that these issues go through my mind as opposed to whether or not I’ll be able to eat tonight or tomorrow. Trust me, I’ve thought about this more than most.

Regardless, again, to those who read my blogs, I do thank you. It is something I deeply appreciate for reasons I can’t describe now. At the very least, I know somebody’s knows I’m alive, and that’s not exaggeration.